I CREATED A MONSTER… AND NOW I'M HER PERSONAL PHOTOGRAPHER!
No salary. A LOT of benefits. And apparently… no sick days.
By Don Mikey
Let me tell you something about marriage.
After all these years with my wife, Jackie, you'd think I'd have learned a few things.
Like knowing when to keep my mouth shut.
When to offer help.
And most importantly…
WHEN NOT TO START SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT PREPARED TO CONTINUE!
Because apparently, being a supportive husband comes with responsibilities nobody tells you about.
And somehow, I accidentally became my wife's personal fitness photographer.
No interview.
No application.
No contract.
Just a job I never knew I had.
And the worst part?
I DID IT TO MYSELF! 🤣
It Started Innocently Enough…
Jackie works out.
And when I say she works out, I mean she actually WORKS OUT.
She's disciplined, consistent, and takes her fitness seriously.
Me?
Well, I work out too.
But I also take sitting on the couch and watching television pretty seriously.
It's called balance, people.
Anyway…
One day, I started taking pictures of Jackie while she was exercising.
Nothing crazy.
Just a few pictures here and there.
A little encouragement.
A little appreciation.
You know… husband stuff. 😏
She'd be doing her exercises, and I'd grab the camera.
Click.
Click.
Click.
A few nice pictures.
Everybody's happy.
I did this for a couple of days.
And apparently, somewhere during those 48 hours, something happened.
Something I didn't notice.
Something that would forever change the terms of my employment.
JACKIE DECIDED I WAS NOW THE OFFICIAL PHOTOGRAPHER.
And nobody bothered to inform me.
The Day Everything Went to Shit
So one day, I wasn't feeling too good.
Nothing dramatic.
Just one of those days when your body tells you…
"Hey, buddy. How about we sit our ass down for a while?"
And for once, I decided to listen.
I was on the couch watching television, minding my own business.
Jackie was working out.
Everything was peaceful.
Everything was beautiful.
Until…
"COME ON! I'M DOING PUSH-UPS! COME TAKE A PICTURE!"
Huh?
I looked toward her.
Then at the television.
Then back toward her.
I wasn't feeling good.
I was comfortable.
I had absolutely no intention of getting up.
But apparently, the photography department was open.
So I got up.
Walked over.
Click.
Click.
Click.
Took the pictures.
Returned to the couch.
Problem solved.
Or so I thought.
Five Minutes Later…
Just when I was getting comfortable again…
"COME ON! I'M DOING TRICEPS! TAKE A PICTURE!"
WHAT?!
Again?!
I just got back!
I'm thinking…
Woman, are we working out or shooting a Nike commercial? 🤣
But there I went.
Got up.
Walked over.
Click.
Click.
Click.
Back to the couch.
By now, I'm starting to wonder whether there's some kind of photography schedule I wasn't told about.
Maybe I should've checked my email.
Maybe there's an employee handbook somewhere.
Maybe I need to speak to management.
Unfortunately…
MANAGEMENT IS JACKIE.
And management is apparently very demanding.
Ten Minutes Later…
There I was.
Finally comfortable.
Watching my show.
Enjoying the peace.
And then I heard it.
The voice.
The one that had already interrupted my recovery twice.
"I'M DOING CHIN-UPS! COME TAKE A PICTURE!"
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
🤣🤣🤣
I couldn't believe it.
PUSH-UPS!
TRICEPS!
NOW CHIN-UPS?!
What's next?!
Squats?!
Lunges?!
A full documentary?!
At this point, I'm thinking…
Jackie, I'm not feeling good!
I thought I was being a supportive husband!
When the hell did I become the official photographer for the Jackie Fitness Channel?!
But here's the thing.
I couldn't even blame her.
Because who started taking the pictures in the first place?
ME.
Who made her comfortable having her workouts photographed?
ME.
Who apparently gave the impression that photography services were available 24 hours a day?
THIS IDIOT RIGHT HERE! 🤣
The Benefits Package
Now, before anybody starts feeling sorry for me…
Don't.
Because this job does come with certain advantages.
Salary?
Zero.
Vacation days?
Apparently nonexistent.
Sick leave?
DENIED.
Retirement plan?
Not looking promising.
But the benefits?
Ohhhhh…
A LOT OF BENEFITS. 😏
And after all these years of marriage, I'm smart enough to know when I've got a pretty good deal.
Let's just say…
THE BENEFITS DEPARTMENT IS EXCELLENT.
Wink, wink.
🤣🤣🤣
Be Careful What You Start
Here's what makes this whole thing funny.
Jackie wasn't doing anything wrong.
She was simply enjoying something I'd started doing for her.
I took pictures.
She liked having pictures.
So naturally, she expected pictures.
Simple.
Perfectly reasonable.
Except nobody told my tired ass that I'd just signed up for a recurring assignment.
And isn't that how marriage works sometimes?
You do something nice once.
Then twice.
Then three times.
And before you know it…
Congratulations!
YOU'VE CREATED A NEW FAMILY TRADITION!
A favor becomes a responsibility.
A nice gesture becomes an expectation.
And somehow, everybody knows the rules except the person who started the whole thing.
But you know what?
I wouldn't change it.
Because underneath all the complaining, the interruptions, and my dramatic suffering…
There's something pretty special about sharing those little moments with the person you've spent most of your life with.
Even when she has absolutely no respect for your television schedule. 🤣
Employee of the Month
So what did I learn from this experience?
Well…
First, never start taking workout pictures unless you're prepared to become a full-time photographer.
Second, marriage apparently comes with unlimited opportunities for unpaid employment.
And third…
When your wife calls you over to take another picture, you have two choices.
You can complain.
Or you can get up and take the damn picture.
Personally?
I'll probably do both.
Because that's how I operate.
And besides…
WITH BENEFITS LIKE THESE, WHO THE HELL AM I TO COMPLAIN? 😏🤣
Welcome to The Life of Don Mikey.
Blessings. Bad Decisions. Life Lessons. Ignorant Behavior.
Wear Your Blessings.
Don Mikey | 162429
0 comments